Juggling grief

Juggling grief is hard to navigate.. I thought my identifying my triggers it’d make the process of healing a lil easier for me.. I was wrong..

One day you’re able to have a good day without tears or triggers and other days something will trigger you and before ya know it there’s tears streaming down your face.. 

I have anxiety over stupid lil things more than I’ve ever had anxiety before.. 

I’ve have to change a few things to my life to help get rid of anxiety (well as much as one can) 

One of the stupid lil anxiety things is my alarms I had a certain alarm of someone yellling get up. Get your ass out of bed.. that started to give me anxiety and I’d had that for years before my sons death.. 

Sometimes you’ll just be watching tv and all of a sudden you’re off on a daze and that image of your child’s tragedy appears in your mind and that horrible sinking feeling in your stomach and tears welling up in your eyes just like that night. 

I miss my son isiah constantly.. 

if you ever see me smiling just know that my grief lives with me forever I’ve now managed to not allow it to consume my life.. I will have days where I’m sadder than normal and I have to accept it and ride it out.. lucky those days don’t last too long these days 

There will be days where I want to be with Isiah but I’m not suicidal it just means that if anything were to happen I’d be okay with it.. atm I’m having one of them days.. it’s a dark place to be but I’ve been here a few times before and have gotten out of this darkness.. 

EVERY DAY IS A FRESH START.. sometimes after a nap is a fresh start and fresh new thoughts..