The harsh reality

The harsh reality is.. after the funeral everyone moves on with life, the grieving stays stuck.. 

our timelines change before our child’s death and after our child’s death.. 

Everyone stops checking in on you, you’re reality becomes their fear.. you’re a contrast reminder to them of what can happen.. 

Not only do you lose a child but you lose yourself, you lose friendships, you lose family.. your relationships change because you have changed.. 

We speak our late child’s name not for sympathy but because we don’t want their memory gone.. their memory is all we have left..  we have to normalise our new life.. 

This is our grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.. all we know is we don’t want to be here on earth but we don’t want life to defeat us.. 

We became sensitive to somethings.. we can cry at the drop of a hat not because we are weak but because our bodies can’t handle half the heartache we’re going through.. 

Some days looking at your child’s photos or videos will bring joy to you. Other days it can make your eyes leak tears.. not just tears sometimes it can be a tsunami of tears.. 

Grief is a tricky thing to juggle.. you never know when it’s going to strike.. your grief can change in seconds.. 

You may see me with a smile or laughing but in reality I’m still just as broken as the day I lost my son and a piece of me died with him.. 

I still hurt everyday even under all the pain I hide from the world.. but one thing is I’ve discovered.. I’m unstoppable and I’m a damn warrior.. 

Despite my heartache I still get up everyday and go to work and do whatever I have to do for myself and for my family.. I may be kicking and screaming doing this but I still do it..