Making those phone calls

The police are taking me home from my son’s tragedy site. We drive passed my work and suddenly I realise holy shit tomorrow is Monday and I have work.. so I call my boss it’s around 9pm on the Sunday night.. she answers and im like “sorry to call so late but I guess you’ve heard about the accident on the highway, well that was my son.. can you please let Adelaide (head office) I won’t be at work tomorrow, actually make it the rest of the week”..

I finally get home.. I walk up the hallway looking for my brother and other son because I have the police with me to help deliver the news.. my other son is not home, my brother comes out of room and asks “where’s Isiah” to which I reply “please come to the lounge room the police need to talk with us”.. my brother continues to ask “where’s Isiah?” “Was that accident him” to which I reply “yes” my brother walks back in his room.. I ring my eldest son because he ain’t home when he answers I ask “where he is because I have news for him”, he replies “I’m safe mum I’m with friends” he told me a few times in that phone call.. eventually I scream “your brother is dead” and hang up.. shits getting real and my mind is finally catching up with what’s going on..

I head to the front yard because I’m hearing my other brother and his wife outside

By this time my other brother had contacted my children’s father to let him know “there was an accident and everyone is meeting at my place”.. while out the front yard I contact my daughter and ask her “where she is because I have something to tell her and I need the address so the police can do a welfare check on her after my phone call” she gives me the address (my phone is on loud speaker so the police officer is able to hear)

Once my daughter has given me her whereabouts I proceed to tell her “there was an accident today and unfortunately isiah passed away as a result”. My daughter tells me “to stop lying and this is a sick joke” i reply “I’m actually telling the truth and there’s police with me now” so then the police officer starts speaking to my daughter

After hanging up from my daughter I start making the phone calls to other family members.. these phone calls were very short and sweet “hey I’m just calling because unfortunately I have some bad news. There was an accident tonight on the highway and isiah has passed away as a result” there was many horrible silences with each phone call..

My phone is blowing up between calls and msgs it’s ringing again with other family or friends since news travels fast in my country town.. many of those calls were “please tell me it ain’t true”

I walk inside for some peace and quiet because my yard is now starting to fill with family and everyone’s crying or making phone calls to help me out.. My mum calls me and all I could do was scream “mum” while on the phone. I have no words to say my mum the reality and severity of shit is kicking in.. I punch a wall because wtf is going on.. this can’t be my life and this can’t be happening..

I’m back outside hugging my husband and crying… many times I’m just sobbing in his arms saying “please tell me this ain’t real and I’m just having a nightmare” even at some stage it sounded like my dogs were crying not howling actually crying..

I had visitors up until 3am, some crying, some wanting information from the nights accident, some just wanting to pay their respects.. we all sat around sharing memories of Isiah.. I zoned off into my own world and while in this zone I have an image of Isiah laying on the ground with his arms reached out like he wanted me to grab his hands.. I tell no one of this image because they’ll never believe me, I don’t even believe me